When Life Gives You Lemons

I sat there with my heart pounding, sweaty palms, and an awkward smile on my face. You know what I am talking about, that cheesy, disingenuine half smile. The only reason for this was to fight back the overwhelming sense of “awkward” that I felt. If I just sat there quietly, smiled and nodded occasionally, and listened to what everyone else had to say, I would for sure fit in. This is all I needed to do in order to be considered “cool”.

I was dressed from head to toe in the latest Abercrombie outfit that I had begged my mom to buy for me, even though it was ridiculously overpriced. I think even at that time in my life I knew it was overpriced, but I pretended to be oblivious nonetheless. If I was going to fit in, I needed to also look the part. Like I said, it was easy. I had this cool thing mastered.

“Who wants an ice cream sandwich?” Mike* asked everyone. The girls and guys alike all responded with what seemed to be a unanimous, “YES!” Except for me. There was no way I would be eating one in front of all these people. Do you know what happens when you bite directly into one of those moist ice cream sandwiches with that  soft, chocolate cookie sandwich on the outside? Chocolate. Everywhere. In your teeth, ice cream melting all over your hands, and chocolate fingers that are pretty much impossible to just “wipe off”. Well, unless you wanted to lick your fingers. I would most definitely not be eating one.

“Allison, why aren’t you eating one? Are you allergic or something?”

“No, I’m just not hungry right now,” I lied.

“Well you don’t need to be hungry to eat ice cream. Come on,” Mike urged.

“No, really, I’m good.”

“Quit being a weirdo,” he said and handed me one.

There it was. The moment where I was forced to eat in front of all these people, standing around the kitchen in his basement. I better not get it on my outfit, or heaven forbid stuck in my teeth for the rest of the party. So I bit in… it was as good as I knew these desserts always were.

“Could I have a napkin?” I asked him almost immediately to ensure I didn’t get it all over myself and so I had a napkin just in case things got messy all over my face. He looked at me, laughed, and responded, “What kind of person eats an ice cream sandwich with a napkin?” Laughter erupted. Everyone standing around listening started to laugh at me. I was mortified. “Never mind,” I said quickly as I threw the ice cream sandwich away and left to go to the bathroom to wash the sticky, chocolate residue off my fingers.

I am not going to lie to you and say that this was the last time I was invited to one of the middle school parties with the cool kids. There were a few more invites throughout my 7th grade year, mostly from this guy, Mike, that I had the biggest crush on. I went, didn’t eat, participated in the fake laughs and interactions until it was time to get picked up. Eventually, I stopped going to these parties. I can’t remember if it was because I stopped getting invited, or I started getting in my head about what everyone was saying or thinking about me.

To be honest, it was probably a combination of both.

I went back to a comfortable group of friends. They weren’t the “coolest” out of the few hundred kids at my school if you were to label it, but they were smart girls. Pretty. Fashionable. Most of them came from families with a lot of money and even though I didn’t, I felt good about the fact that they would let someone like me hang out with them. (Trust me, I can’t understand now why there was a me versus them scenario to begin with) One of the girls, Michelle*, started to have small little parties at her house too because that was the thing to do in middle school. Slowly, I found myself doing the same things I was doing before- questioning.

Why did they invite me? What did I have to offer all of them? Do we really even have anything in common?

I obviously never asked anyone these things, but the thoughts regularly crossed my mind. Same thing, different group of kids, I slowly started to drift away over the next few years of middle school. When I say drift away, I mean I put my guard up. I didn’t allow myself to feel vulnerable around people anymore which made it really hard to genuinely connect. I felt confused and very uncertain of who I was. If I was unable to connect with myself, how would it have made sense for me to connect with others?

I spent years of my life trying to make sense of this world I lived in. Who am I? Where do I fit in? What is right versus wrong? Should I look after others and follow the rules, or follow in their misguided footsteps? Am I weirdo for not wanting to lick my fingers after eating an ice cream sandwich? I didn’t know the answers, or that I even had so many questions, other than the last one that I repeated over and over in my head for years leading into high school when I didn’t know where I fit in.

I tried to be like so many types of people. The fashionista girls. The popular ones. The outgoing theatre kids. The competitive dance team. The laid back, care-free group of guys. The smart, nerdy group. The bilingual language students. The cheerleaders. You get the point. What I had lost sight of though was that this life is not about being like other people. It’s about revealing the layers of yourself that make you, you, and celebrating them. It’s about the journey- the journey we all embark on with the final destination being self-discovery and understanding. It’s about acceptance and celebration. It’s about hard work and painful times. It’s about reflection and learning, and moving forward. It’s about the lemons. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.

Part of my life journey is to give kids, teens, and young people those lemons, those tools and strategies, to navigate their life. It is to give you the good stuff that you need to know, and shortcuts past all the stuff you don’t, and to be the best version of you there ever could be because well, it’s you. This world needs more people like you. We need smart people with open hearts and creative minds to make this world the beautiful world it has the capacity to be. It’s about making your mark and making a difference. It’s about connection- connecting with others and yourself on a deeper level. It’s about being healthy, happy, and whole. It’s about radiating confidence, passion, and enthusiasm in all you do. It’s about finding your voice and using it. Live a life that focuses on your strengths and what you enjoy. Find your purpose.

I encourage you to have an open mind and to always question. To live. To embrace the moment and seize the day. All that good stuff and nothing less. We live in a world of limitless possibilities.

When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow. And when you are given lemons, make the most awesome lemonade you know how to make and so much more.

No one said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.